The response to her sharing pictures of the aftermath of her tragic miscarriage has been addressed by Chrissy Teigen.
The 34-year-old model lost her third child, Jack, and her partner, musician John Legend, 20 weeks earlier this month.
A long and heartfelt essay describing the intensely honest moments of the ordeal, including the harrowing moment she was forced to say farewell, has been published by Teigen, who is also a successful author.
Teigen said she begged her mother and Legend to take pictures of the event as it happened, disclosing that her husband “hated” it.
“I had asked my mum and John to take pictures, no matter how uncomfortable it was. I explained to a very hesitant John that I needed them, and that I did NOT want to have to ever ask. That he just had to do it,” she wrote on her website.
“He hated it. I could tell. It didn’t make sense to him at the time. But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles (the couple’s first two children). And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story.
“I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it’s something you wouldn’t have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like.
“These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me.”
“We monitored it very closely, hoping for things to heal and stop. In bed, I bled and bled, lightly but all day, changing my own diapers every couple of hours when the blood got uncomfortable to lay in,” she said.
“I actually became an adult diaper expert for my own personal entertainment, truly appreciating the brands that went out of their way to not make me feel like an actual sh*ting baby.
“Some were blush coloured, with drawn delicate flowers. I got to the point where I was actually like, ‘hell yeah, throw me the pink ones!’ – something I never thought I’d be excited for. But there we were.”
“I was bleeding a bit more than even my abnormal amount. My bleeding was getting heavier and heavier,” she said.
“The fluid around Jack had become very low – he was barely able to float around. At some points, I swore it was so low I could lay on my back and feel his arms and legs from outside my belly.
“After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming – it was time to say goodbye.
“He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either.
“I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness.
“Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again. Oxygen was placed over my nose and mouth, and that was the first picture you saw. Utter and complete sadness.”
Teigen concluded she wrote the essay so she could “move on” and “return back to life”.
“I truly thank you for allowing me to do so. Jack will always be loved, explained to our kids as existing in the wind and trees and the butterflies they see,” she said.
“Thank you so much to every single person who has had us in their thoughts or gone as far as to send us your love and stories. We are so incredibly lucky.”